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What do you Suppose Are the Search Terms that Randomly Bring People to my Blog?

December 11, 2009

Oh dear. I thought I was sick. Well, this made me feel better about myself.

Yes, there are no less than three searches for something called “toilet brush fucking,” which, as twisted as I am, I never imagined existed. If words alone are not enough, I recommend you visit a charming little site called SlutLoad and see for yourself what this might mean. (Obviously it’s NSFW, so don’t come crying to me if you’re too stupid not to click on it on front of your 5 year old or your boss. It’s called SlutLoad, dumbass.)

Other winners are, “when should I use a toilet,” and “can i know the use of toilet.”

And I must point out the preponderance of users searching for the answer to the ever stupid, “How do I Use a Toilet Brush.” Who knew my blathering was good for anything more than entertainment?

Happy Hanukkah, everyone!

P.S. – Also from today and and not figuring in these archives is the one that brought this post on:

do not piss on toilet desk

I have no idea what this could mean and it might slowly drive me crazy a la Lewis Black if I think about it too much. Oh, world. You’re so mysterious!

13 Comments leave one →
  1. December 12, 2009 5:44 am

    Love it. We should do a collection of these. I posted something about fat women in bikinis on my blog and I get some scary hits: “big bootied women” “i like em big” and others i won’t mention here even though you’d totally tolerate it.

    • December 13, 2009 2:17 pm

      I’m down, though I guess we’ll have to publish the tame version on the network – or we could do another one here in all its perverse glory! Also, I imagine your self censoring os more for your sake than my own as I think there’s hardly any more graphic phrase than “toilet brush fucking.”

  2. December 12, 2009 8:20 am

    I like “can i touch your feed”

    • December 13, 2009 2:18 pm

      I didn’t look it up, but I guess it’s a blog and not something you’d say to a barnyard animal.

  3. December 12, 2009 7:03 pm

    Oh, I just cried laughing. You are the bidet and toilet-brush-fucking expert.

    • December 13, 2009 2:19 pm

      So glad you enjoyed it, Michelle! And also that you recognize my greatest strengths. Don’t you forget it!

  4. December 13, 2009 11:44 pm


  5. December 16, 2009 3:02 pm

    This is hysterical!!

  6. Priyanka permalink
    December 17, 2009 4:41 pm

    “How to use a toilet brush” reminds me of what happened with me.Having shifted to a new apartment with complete strangers for college made things a little difficult for me as well. I dont remember how many people were using my toilet,but all i remember are the brown and yellow smears of excreted matter on my bathroom pot. So i got a new toilet brush!!!. Working hard for a few days i realised that the smears must be comin from something sweet , because they were so sticky it made it almost impossible to flush them out. so i simply ended up using the toilet brush(like d guy in ur house)!!!We also had this lady who came every day to make our house look like a house. She tried hard , or atleast i thought so. Now thinking that my bathroom was being cleaned nicely everyday i did not hesitate to walkin barefoot. Faith i had call it. One fine morning when i got up and rushed to the bathroom to make my self feel better , i was in such a hurry that i could also not find my slippers and i dashed into to the bathroom. When i opened the door what i saw was a treat – the lady was cleaning the floor of my bathroom with the toilet brush!! Wohooo!!! for past so many days i had been proudly stepping and dancing on the shit smeared floor. I thanked the lady, threw away the brush and decided to wear my slippers from the next time. Toilet brush connects us all at the end of the day.

  7. Linda permalink
    December 26, 2009 1:21 pm


    Occasionally, the cartoonist Julia Wertz of posts a list like this – Then again, the name of her comic IS The Fart Party.

    • January 2, 2010 7:11 pm

      Wow! Thanks for introducing me to her. I was laughing my head off – not just at that post, but the whole thing.

      • Linda permalink
        January 2, 2010 8:14 pm

        Yes! Always happy to spread the Fart Party love.

  8. laurenquinn permalink
    February 1, 2010 4:19 pm

    I get tons of porn searches. Especially “jerk off inspiration.” Someone googles that shit like 5 times a week. The toilet/bidet searches are way cooler than vomit porn.

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